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The Locherbee Misteries In Loch Ness they have Nessy The  Loch Ness monster queen In the Alps there is a Yeti Who’s hardly ever seen In Shanghai there’s a dragon With green and silver toes Mr Lear had a dong With a brightly glowing nose In reality these creatures Are nothing very weird They’re just misunderstood And nothing to be feared Old Nessy’s just a being From the dawn of man The land life didn’t suit her So to the Loch she swam The Yeti’s not a Yeti He’s a climber from Madrid His family gave him hassle So in the Alps he hid About the dragon and the Dong You really must be t

Famine, Disease, Death and Destruction If Death could talk I’m sure he would say “I wonder why people keep dying this way” If Famine could answer he’d say with no doubt “it’s the lack of fish like salmon and trout And the way that drought sweeps through the land Leaving everything as dry as the sand” Then Disease would say with cunning and sly “it has nothing to do with disease of the eye or anything to do with Rickets or Rabies or horrible diseases carried by scabies” then Destruction would say he wasn’t to blame for he knew it was death for death was his name

Hamster One fine day the hamster died Little Johnny broke down and cried His mother said “what’s wrong my dove?” And Johnny said “I was in love! His lovely fur so soft to touch I loved that rodent oh so much!” “but Johnny dear” his mother said “that mangy mouse is sadly dead why don’t you go and buy another and listen to your dear old mother” So Johnny went off on his way A ten pound note for him to pay For a rat for him to hug But someone took him for a mug They sold him such a manic beast That on his flesh it did feast It latched on to his pink young skin And dug his teeth

Universe The universe’s a big dark place With lots of stars in outer space The rocks all came from God’s great power Created in his finest hour But somewhere there between the stars Just go past Earth, turn right at Mars You’ll find a sight quite strange to see Of little creatures floating free Those creatures are in dormant state And like that they’ll stay and wait For a time when they will reek Their revenge on those they seek They’re put there for safety’s sake But this was such a great mistake They came straight from the bowels of hell And what they did I’ll never tell Their eyes were r

Bat Johnny was a simple boy He used to like the sun He used to suck on lollipops He thought that it was fun One day out in the garden As night began to fall Johnny kept on playing Ignored his mother’s call Then out from in the shadows Where lurk the creepy things A shape began to form With large and leath’ry wings It flew across to Johnny And bit him on the bum Little Johnny’s life was over Should’ve listened to his mum Johnny’s still a simple boy Now its blood he sucks He met some pretty vampish girls And now all day he…